I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
