I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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