you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
