operation harelip BJ is a go
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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