Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
