What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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