From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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