i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
