i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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