I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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