turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize