forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
