So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize