only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
