I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
