I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Couch. On fire.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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