8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
