This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
