HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
