i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
