I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
