Do you still have your period?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
