Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
