I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
