I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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