11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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