All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
