I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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