I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize