you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't deserve a penis
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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