Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
