I think my vagina is haunted
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
