OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
