naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
