i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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