god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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