i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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