Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We have started to decorate penises.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
