I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
