Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize