Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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