he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
