Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
