OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize