we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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