he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
