I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think my moral compass just broke
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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