I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize