I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
