: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
