You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
