It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
honey bunches of taint.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
