The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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