And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ugly people sure do ruin things
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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