Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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