stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
