I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
