Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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