At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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