but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize