i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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