Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
