tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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