Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
