Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
no, he came in my armpit
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
