exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
