i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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