If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
