Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
