I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
