The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize