It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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