shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
