Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize