Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
