Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
