Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
