mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
In other news, I just burned my penis
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
