Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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