I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
