Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
