summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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