Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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