how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
